Shared Writing – Detachment is Giving Up Control

Detachment is giving up control, even the thought of it!

We are so practiced at trying to control others. We learn to be very subtle, certain that others can’t detect our efforts. But they can. I was a master at control, I thought. But all I was really a master at was frustrating others and then myself too with lack of success. I was slow to learn that my attempts to control were the result of my insecurities. I didn’t want to admit to being insecure; I thought it made me boring. How could I be the one you wanted to be with if I was boring? I was a very sick puppy until I found freedom from my obsession to control those around me.

The freedom I finally found took years of diligence to realize. That’s the not-so-good news. It doesn’t happen quickly, but it will happen. Yet, vigilance will always be necessary. I have come to believe that if I had mastered letting go of controlling the first attempt, I wouldn’t have appreciated, nearly so much, the relief I eventually enjoyed. But we get only a daily reprieve from the obsession to control. The Serenity Prayer, with its suggestion to accept those things we cannot change, is the moment’s reminder that sets our mind straight.

Whenever your focus is on what others are doing, pause. Take a deep breath. Are you minding their business? Are you about to say something that’s better left unsaid? Is it time to back off and refocus on the only business that matters, yours? Even the thought that others should be doing something different is a red flag. The time we have to do what needs to be done by us will expand greatly when we allow others to live their own lives while we attend to ours.

We will be able to care so much more about the things that really matter in our own lives when we let other people attend to that which matters to them. Freeing our minds offers so many unexpected gifts, the first of which is peace.

Let Go Now by Karen Casey

100 Days of Writing – Day Five

Saying No…

How easy is it for you to say no?

Not very. For much of my life, I have been a people-pleaser and have ended up saying “yes” to what other people have requested before thinking it through. And then some time later, I’ve regretted agreeing to do something and have gotten resentments with myself and the person I’ve said “yes” to.

Through these experiences, I have learned it’s perfectly okay to say “no” or even “I’ll have to think on that and get back to you.” It has kept me from committing to things that I really don’t want to do and later regretting it. It also gives me a chance to reflect on what’s best for me and ultimately, all involved.

Detachment is the freedom not to be angry or sad….

Reading #89 from “Let Go Now” by Karen Casey

“Many would argue that we can’t keep our feelings separate from the actions of others or the circumstances that have befallen us. I am certainly not trying to convince you that this is an easy task, but it is doable. While I admit it has taken me hundreds of practice sessions, and the willingness, again and again, to look the other way, to turn a deaf ear, to let others have their own meltdowns and ego attacks without me getting ensnared, it is possible. And it feels so good when we succeed!

Accepting our powerlessness over the behaviors of others isn’t easy. We think, If only I’d said it this way. Or perhaps, If only I had made that special dinner or brought flowers first. We then get fooled into thinking that if we do something differently, too. Alas, that’s never going to happen, unless by accident. People do what they do. Period. Our good fortune is to learn how empowered we feel when we let them!

Awaking each morning, being grateful to know that we can have the kind of day we want, is one of the gifts of embracing a spiritual program. Relieving ourselves of the burden of trying to make others conform to our wishes is a gift we can gladly unwrap a day at a time.”

“Today promises to be a happy one, regardless of what others are doing, if we are attending to our own business and no one else’s”

Let Go Now by Karen Casey

Random Writing – Synchronicity in Real-Time

I have a friend named Michael who I often see at the local cafe’. I consider him to be a learned person, although like most of us, has challenges in life. The discussions he and I have cover a wide range of topics, but regardless of what we might be talking about, I always try to let what he has to share soak in as a valuable lesson.

This was brought forth perhaps most clearly with two synchronistic events that occurred during the course of two consecutive days of conversations we had. I had posted on social media a quote by the ancient philosopher, Epictetus. The quote is pictured below:

On the same day that I made that post, I was talking with Michael and, being the lover of philosophy and philosophers as he is, he mentions Epictetus. What are the chances that I would have posted something by the ancient philosopher and on that same day Michael brings him up in a conversation? I kidded with Michael that he had been creeping on my social media page, to which he had a good laugh, since he doesn’t participate in any form of social media.

The very next day, I had seen a post on social media that featured Psalm 121. After reading its verses, I told the person who had posted that I very much appreciated the share. In turn, I also shared the same Psalm on my page. Later that morning, I once again saw Michael in the cafe and struck up a conversation with him. During the course of our discussion, he happens to mention Psalm 121 as a collection of verses that meant a lot to him. I shared with him that he must be creeping on my social media page again because I had just posted that Psalm a few hours before. We had a good laugh over it all. Once again, synchronicity had made itself known. What are the chances that he would just happen to mention a particular book from the Bible that a friend of mine had shared that same day and I had reshared?

One last synchronistic conversation I had with Michael occurred the next day I talked with Michael at the cafe. We were discussing poetry and poets, of which he seems to have a wealth of knowledge. He said he didn’t particularly enjoy the works of Edgar Alan Poe because most of his poems tended to be depressing. I mentioned to him that I had researched and read his poem “The Raven” over the course of the past several months. The next day I didn’t see Michael at the cafe’, but I did see that had on display and a small book of Poe’s poetry on a table. Did Michael see this book on display before he mentioned it to me or is it another example of a synchronistic occurrence? I haven’t seen him over the past week or so, but when I do, I’ll be sure to ask.

What does it all mean, you might ask? I believe the synchronicities that we experience point us to certain truths that we need to pay attention to in life. In the case of the Epictetus quote, I revisited it and thought of how it applied to my own life. In the case of the 121st Psalm, I also looked at it once more and copied it into my journal. I’m not quite sure of what possible meaning the Poe synch might have, but I’ll be rereading some of his poetry to see if there are possible messages for me in my life.

Just my take on the all of my friend Michael and the synchronicities that he and I have experienced over the last little while. And who knows what else might lay ahead in those conversations we have.

100 Days of Writing – Day Four

Your best self…

Consider when you have been at your best. What was happening? What were you doing? Who were you with? How did it feel to be your best self?

I feel at my “best” when I’m in a classroom teaching. I don’t know that there’s been any particular moment I’m recalling, just a ton of small fragments of all the classes I’ve taught, all the teachers I’ve worked with, and most importantly, all the children I’ve had the opportunity to teach.

When I’m in the flow of these times, I feel like I’m having a positive influence on the lives of other people.

And while there are the lessons to be taught in the various subject areas, whether it be science, math, or any other courses of study, I feel the real reason I’m in my chosen profession twelve years after my “retirement” is because I have that positive influence on their lives and they on mine.

When I’m teaching, I feel wanted and needed and am important to others, which I consider a basic desire of all human beings, regardless of what part of their lives we’re considering.

I don’t feel like this way of feeling is always easily accessible, which in part is what I’m still at it after all these years.

  • Author’s note – With an assignment already in place for the first eight weeks of the 2022-2023 school year, I will be starting my forty-second year as a classroom teacher.

100 Days of Writing – Day Three

When you were a kid,,,

What activities did you love as a kid but have since dropped?

When I was a child the thing I remember most is loving to ride my bicycle. My grandfather repaired bicycles and I usually had a good bike to pick and choose from. The one I remember riding most often, the one I “rode the wheels off” was a white ten-speed.

I would take off early to ride on a Saturday morning. Many times I would end up at a small restaurant uptown, which was run by the husband of my first-grade teacher from years before. It seemed I was treated as royalty each time I would visit. I remember one time in particular that it was pouring rain outside and when I came in, totally drenched from head to toe, the two waitresses got towels to help dry me off.

I loved riding downtown in our small town. It seemed there was always something interesting going on. One time in particular, I remember when a police car and firetruck that were answering the same call collided at an intersection. I never did find out which one had run the red light or if either was at fault.

Most every time I took out on those Saturdays, I would end up at my grandparents’ house, where I would stay for the rest of the day. This was in those days that your parents didn’t really wonder where you were going or what you were up to. I do suppose that my grandmother probably called my parents to let them know I had arrived safely. As best I can remember, I usually spent the night with them since they lived right next to the church we attended.

I don’t ride a bicycle anymore, even though I do have a practically new one in storage. I’m sure it would help my physical health to get back into the habit, but I really don’t see that happening.

Good times they were.

Random Writing – “The Crowded Cafe”

I am in the Barnes and Noble Cafe on a drizzly Monday afternoon. The tables are abuzz with all sorts of activity and conversation.

Two young lads are reading their manga books intently, as they turn the pages from back to front.

Another man pours over blueprints of some sort, seemingly figuring an estimate for a potential customer. He takes out his calculator and writes down the resulting figures on sheets of a legal pad.

And then there’s another man, whose name I know but will not reveal, whose appearance reminds me of Frankstein each time I see him. He’s wearing rust-colored pants and a gray-striped shirt as he drinks from his fresh cup of coffee and reads his magazine. From time to time, he lets out a loud cough or laughs, and then again will gently talk to himself. He is a cafe regular and drives a caramel brown Mercury with a Smith and Wesson tag on the front bumper.

Just a few random observations on this drizzly Monday afternoon.

Random Writing – “The Tube”

The glass tube,,, filled with various components designed to allow one to hear from others around the world. There’s no telling what news has made its way through this electronic feed. News of both victories and defeats, beautiful music and somber tones. Now it sits idly by, never to be heard from again, as silent as the darkened night. So many stories that will go unheard of again.

100 Days of Writing – Day Two

Day Two – High-Five Yourself

Consider your proudest moment. What was it and how did you feel?

I had been nominated quite a few times for school system teaching awards, but never had gone on to win. In 2002, I had once again been nominated for our middle school and was attending the banquet for the system-wide awards.

They introduced the award winners with a description of what they had done in their classrooms and within the first few lines, I realized they were talking about me.

I was very proud and was awarded a cash prize and a plaque, which I still proudly display on my wall. It would be the only system-wide award I would win, which made it even more special.

100 Days of Writing – Day One

Day One – Pivot Point

Your story so far

Think about your life so far. What’s been a pivot point in your story? Describe the before and after.

My pivot point definitely came on August 10, 2002. I at that point realized that I am an alcoholic. My wife of twenty-two years had left and caused me to examine what about my life I needed to change.

I at this point was totally lost, not knowing where to turn. Reoccurring feelings of fear had led me to seek a chemical solution before this time and that was no longer an option. My erroneous thinking had led me to a point where the most important things in my life were no longer there. Something had to change.

Soon after that day, I reached out for help for a problem I knew I couldn’t solve on my own. I started seeing a therapist and started my outpatient rehab journey. My wife was never to return, but I saw that I needed to love myself enough to continue to get the help I needed.

It was through this admission of my addiction and my continued work with a twelve-step program that I had a deep spiritual awakening that continues to this day. I realized that there is a God that loves me and watches over me, in both good times and bad. God had done for me what I could not do for myself.

Even though my life today is far from perfect, I am still able to march forward despite the fears and misgivings I might have. A lot has happened over these past several months that have put my faith to the test, but I stand firm in my resolve to stay focused on the positive parts of my life, which are many.

I’ve adopted a mantra that’s helped me through the most difficult of days:

“Keep the faith and trust the journey.”

*Note – I, by the grace of God, will be able to celebrate twenty years of sobriety on August 10th of this year.