Shared Writing – Detachment is Giving Up Control

Detachment is giving up control, even the thought of it!

We are so practiced at trying to control others. We learn to be very subtle, certain that others can’t detect our efforts. But they can. I was a master at control, I thought. But all I was really a master at was frustrating others and then myself too with lack of success. I was slow to learn that my attempts to control were the result of my insecurities. I didn’t want to admit to being insecure; I thought it made me boring. How could I be the one you wanted to be with if I was boring? I was a very sick puppy until I found freedom from my obsession to control those around me.

The freedom I finally found took years of diligence to realize. That’s the not-so-good news. It doesn’t happen quickly, but it will happen. Yet, vigilance will always be necessary. I have come to believe that if I had mastered letting go of controlling the first attempt, I wouldn’t have appreciated, nearly so much, the relief I eventually enjoyed. But we get only a daily reprieve from the obsession to control. The Serenity Prayer, with its suggestion to accept those things we cannot change, is the moment’s reminder that sets our mind straight.

Whenever your focus is on what others are doing, pause. Take a deep breath. Are you minding their business? Are you about to say something that’s better left unsaid? Is it time to back off and refocus on the only business that matters, yours? Even the thought that others should be doing something different is a red flag. The time we have to do what needs to be done by us will expand greatly when we allow others to live their own lives while we attend to ours.

We will be able to care so much more about the things that really matter in our own lives when we let other people attend to that which matters to them. Freeing our minds offers so many unexpected gifts, the first of which is peace.

Let Go Now by Karen Casey

Published by David Lee Moser

I am a sixty year old semi-retired elementary science teacher.

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