David Lee

100 Days of Writing – Day Sixty-One

“Fear – the evil and corroding thread that weaves its way through the very fabric of our existence.” – AA Big Book

Fear is a part of our lives that can rear its ugly head in so many different ways. I know for myself, it’s played a major part of my thought life, especially over the past year. Fear is usually, at least for me, trepidation about the future, which is largely unknown. From the time I wake up in the morning, it permeates my thought life and can indeed be maddening at times.

I think we all tend to want to rid ourselves of fear and all those other uncomfortable emotions that are a part of our mental framework. We look for “outside us” sources to soothe and relieve us of the mental wiring that causes us to lean towards emotions like fear. I know for myself, at one point in my life, I thought that alcohol was the answer to my fear and anxiety. This proved to be a short-term solution to a long-term problem and led me to disastrous results. Smoking was also a go-to in an attempt to ease my fearful emotions and that didn’t offer much more than the likelihood I would live a shorter life.

I know today that I must seek within myself and my spiritual life for a lessening of my fearful thought life. Just this week, I have sought for and received assistance from mental health professionals to aid in this goal. I must remember that there is a God of my understanding who is here to guide me and lead me. I need to remember the phrase “change a thought, move a muscle” and look to keep my mind focused on what I CAN do and not those things that I have NO control over.

Writing this blog this morning is one of the avenues I’ve taken to turn down the volume of the fearful thoughts I was having when I awakened. I also wrote three prayers in my journal that address and ask for relief from the fears I’m feeling. My hope is to take each moment of this day as it comes and to do those things God has set before me and not get caught up and obsess about whatever fears may present themselves.

David Lee

100 Days of Writing – Day Sixty

“You cannot push the river.”

I was reminded of this quote today in a counseling session and it really hit home with me in my recent mode of thinking. If we are at a point in life when we feel like we’re swimming upstream against the current, it’s likely because we’re going against the natural flow of things. It’s much easier to let the flow take us where it may and not be in such resistance to its path.

This is, at least for me, not an easy proposition. Thanks to our egos, we like to think that we know what’s best for ourselves and everyone else. The outside world needs to see, accept, understand, and follow through with our perspective on things. If they choose to do so, then all is well. But if by chance they don’t, which is bound to happen from time to time, we can get all out of sorts.

For today, I have to understand that not everything in the world is going to play out the way I think it should. And while it’s important to share my viewpoints when they’re asked for, I don’t need to think things are necessarily going to go the way I think they should. While some resistance is helpful and perhaps even needed, I must keep in my that too much of that is not helpful or healthy.

And on this day I will remind myself if there’s too much resistance in any of life’s situations, I may need to change with the present currents and go with the flow.

David Lee

100 Days of Writing – Day Fifty-Nine

Shared reading and comments – From Tiny Buddha’s Inner Strength Journal by Lori Deschene

15 Things You Can’t Control (And what you can control instead)

You can’t control what other people do. (You can control whether you participate in their behavior or enable them.)
You can’t control how other people see you. (You can control how you show-up in your relationships and how you see yourself.)
You can’t control how other people treat you. (You can control how you internalize and respond to their treatment.)
You can’t control whether other people like you. (You can control how true you are to yourself.)
You can’t control what other people think, feel, and believe. (You can control how you engage about your different opinions, feelings, and beliefs.)
You can’t control how other people internalize things you say and do. (You can control your intentions and how you respond whey you unintentionally hurt someone.)
You can’t control what happens to other people. (You can control how you show up for them when things get hard.)
You can’t control your thoughts and feelings. (You can control whether you attach to them, identify with them, or act on them.)
You can’t control things that have already happened. (You can control what you do in the present.)
You can’t control everything that’s going to happen. (You can control how you strengthen yourself to handle the unknown.)
You can’t control the outcome of anything you do. (You can control your efforts.)
You can’t control your body aging. (You can control how well you take care of your body and how you think about it.)
You can’t control all aspects of your health. (You can control the preventative health measures you take.)
You can’t control the inevitability of you getting hurt. (You can control how you treat yourself when you’re hurting.)
You can’t control the fact that there’s suffering in the world. (You can control whether you contribute to it or help alleviate it.)

100 Days of Writing – Day Fifty-Eight

I’ve always been fascinated with numbers. From a young age, I was drawn to them and what they represented. Now, many years later, I still notice numbers, regardless of when and where they appear. Today reminded me of my fascination with numbers and their possible meaning.

Today I rolled into the McDonald’s drive-thru for my to-go breakfast while heading to work. I noted that the truck in front of me had a “23” as a part of the four-digit numerical suffix. For those who are unaware, the number has special meaning for me and I am always looking for its appearance as a sign I’m on the right path. I even decided to take a picture of it for my records.

When I was pulling into the school parking lot, the car in front of me, driven by a school employee, had the numerical suffix 8384. If you add those four numbers together, you once again have a 23. Just as with the previous siting at the drive-thru, this was a sign to me that, at least for today, I was on the right path.

Our school football team had a game scheduled for today and the players were wearing their game jerseys in class. In one class, I noted that one jersey number, 21, was half of the other player’s jersey number, 42. Soon thereafter, I added the to numbers together and got 63, which is my age. Upon further pondering, I reminded myself that I was in my forth-second year of teaching, which corresponded to jersey 42. Once again, I thought this was so neat that I decided to take a picture of the two jerseys side-by-side.

What does it all mean, this fascination of mine? Some might call it an odd obsession and I’m okay with that. But if my spiritual journey has taught me that the Universe tries to give me confirmation that I’m on the right path, what better vehicle to use with a former math teacher than numbers? From the numerical “coincidences” that I noticed today, I came to the conclusion that, at least for today, in the time and space I was in, I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I’ve learned not to question what is brought before me and I’m convinced there’s a lot more going on in this Universe than might be noticed by many.

David Lee

100 Days of Writing – Day Fifty-Seven

It’s been a good long while….

It’s been a good long while since I’ve posted any writing in this arena. My interim teaching position took a great deal of my time and energy, but now that it’s done, I can come back to write from time to time.

The interim position went well. I was fortunate to have a great group of teachers to work with, as well as a fantastic group of kids. While it was difficult to say goodbye on Friday of last week, I’m enjoying some actual leisure time away from the classroom for a while.

Today I went for a walk and took my camera along with me. I got quite a few good pictures showing the changing colors as we are in the midst of the beginning stages of fall. I also went to Barnes and Noble, where I read and wrote for the first time in a long while. It’s good to get back to my established routine and be able to look forward with the knowledge I don’t have to work any more than I’m led to.

As the seasons change, I’m sure I’m going to be changing some of the daily routines I have. The nights will turn darker sooner and then of course, there’s the lower temperatures to deal with. But for at least the time being, I’m going to enjoy the gorgeous fall weather and all it places before me.

David Lee

100 Days of Writing – Day Fifty-Six

I saw this quote just yesterday and was reminded that both faith and fear share a lot in common. The basic premise for both is that we’ve chosen to believe in something that we cannot see. Sometimes that’s a bit hard to wrap your mind around until you consider that all that we can see in the physical world is made up of tiny particles we cannot see.

I can find myself in situations that call me to choose faith or fear. I’ve realized that my choice, in this case, can often be based on past events. Do I let the outcomes of previously lived moments determine my take on what’s occurring today or do I live in the present moment and take life circumstance as it is occurring? How much control do I have over letting things in my subconscious mind dictate what I’m looking at today?

For me, awareness is always key. I live in the present moment as fully as I’m able to, without referencing the past. I know past events in my life can serve as learning tools, so I don’t think it’s always wise to completely dismiss them as useless occurrences.

For today, I’ll choose to trust the process and have faith that things are moving along exactly as they should, with or without my liking or permission. There is so much in this world that I absolutely have no control over and it’s not beneficial to waste my time attempting to manipulate people, places, or things to my personal preferences.

I have a Higher Power, whom I choose to call God, that I will look to this day for guidance, wisdom, and strength to face whatever situations I might find myself in. I realize that faith in Him is a big part of what’s brought me through so many difficult times in my life and it behooves me to recall those times. I also realize that fear will crop up from time to time and although I need to notice what those fears are trying to tell me, I don’t need to needlessly obsess over them.

“Keep the faith and trust the journey” has become my mantra and today I’ll choose to live this way.

David Lee

100 Days of Writing – Day Fifty-Five

Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs comes into play….

One of the things I remember from my education courses in college is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I’ve become acutely aware of its truths over the past week or so. I do see that if one’s physiological needs are not met, all else in life can be thrown to the wayside.

A little over a week ago, I was diagnosed with an abscessed tooth and prescribed penicillin to take care of the infection. My appointment with an oral surgeon to see about getting the tooth extracted isn’t until October 5th. In the meanwhile, I’ve developed what I think is a sinus infection on top of all the rest.

I have an appointment this afternoon to see my family doctor about whether or not it’s actually a sinus infection. My pharmacist has said the penicillin I’m taking wouldn’t be the first choice of antibiotic for a sinus infection. He also said that the discomfort in the sinuses could actually be due to the abscessed tooth and not another infection source.

The bottom line of it all, going back to Maslow, is that when we’re experiencing physiological discomfort, it’s hard to focus on much else but that discomfort. I went on a three-mile walk yesterday and probably should have cut that short. I went to Barnes and Noble to read and write and found it hard to focus. This morning, I’ve found it hard to think about much else but finding a solution to the mouth and facial discomfort. Luckily, I’m taking a required day off work today, so it’ll allow me to see the doctor to get his diagnosis. I’ve even taken a home covid test to make sure that’s not it and it was negative.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to get some relief from the discomfort from both my sinuses and the abscessed tooth. Nothing fun at all about not feeling well and it’s at least made me grateful that I’ve not had to deal with a lot of this type of discomfort in my life. I’ve been pro-active in seeking a solution and am hopeful that between my doctor and dentist’s treatment, I’ll be feeling better soon.

100 Days of Writing – Day Fifty-Four

One step at a time,,,,one day at a time.

I am reminded in one of my daily readings this morning to take life one step at a time, one day at a time.

I can look at the days ahead and be overwhelmed by all that I perceive I have to get done. The mind’s wanderings can lead me into a lot of “what-ifs” that lead to nowhere but more obsessive thoughts.

I will, just for today, make the attempt to take each of the day’s events as they come and do what needs to be done for that next step. I’ll try to stay in the here-and-now, the present moment, knowing that I’ll have the strength to do what needs to be done.

The Bible verse I was led to this morning: “In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.” (Isaiah 30:15) This is also a kindly reminder to quiet the myriad thoughts that might run through my mind and know that the God of my understanding is watching over the all of it and will give me the necessary strength to face and conquer whatever might lie ahead of me this day and in the days to come.

David Lee

100 Days of Writing – Day Fifty-Three

Random thoughts on this day….

It’s been over a week since I’ve last written in this series and I’m not focused on any one train one thought. Instead, a myriad of thoughts come across and through my mind this day.

Dental problems continue to plague me on this day. I’ve gotten an appointment with an oral surgeon for a consult, but that’s not until October 5. So I continue to deal with moderate pain and am still taking an antibiotic and ibuprofen and Tylenol for pain. I think it’s not as bad as it could be and am continuing to stay the course.
I have two days off from my interim teaching position this next week. I can only work sixteen days per month and so these are what I call required days off. It can be a difficult chore to make lesson plans for when you’re not going to be there. There are so many little details one has to include and so many things to consider.
Just when we thought we had seen the last of the really hot weather, I see the forecast is calling for high temperatures near 90 on Wednesday of this next week. I guess these are what we call the dog days of summer. We’re ready for fall, but it’s not quite ready for us yet and summer wants to hold on just a little bit longer.
Trying to keep good habits on point is not always easy. I started walking for exercise this summer and have let that fall by the wayside since school started. I consider my writing to be a beneficial habit and it’s slacked off as well. Perhaps that’s one of the things I need to use the two days off this next work week to work on.
Smoking cessation stats – 62 days, five hours without a cigarette – 1244 cigarettes avoided – $361 saved – 5 days “won back” – I still can get those urges to smoke from time to time. I’m still using nicotine lozenges to help squash those urges and know I eventually need to wean my way off those. I remember all that I’ve learned in these two months and two days….how it’s a physical addiction that’s also rooted in my emotional and mental well-being….that I’m past the actual physical addiction and more looking at my efforts to quit through my emotional and mental well-being….when I get those urges to pick up a cigarette, I’ve played the tape forward and know that picking up even one cigarette will lead to undesired outcomes….I focus on the REAL reason I want a cigarette, to calm my anxious feelings, and know that it’s at best just a temporary fix and doesn’t work long term. And then I move forward…still just one day at a time.

100 Days of Writing – Day Fifty-Two

Jersey swap,,,a college jersey and neat story.

I recently purchased a Lenoir-Rhyne University baseball jersey, one that was actually worn by a Bear baseball player. When attending the opening game of the football season with my wife, I decided to wear the jersey to support the home team.

While I was waiting in line for some pre-game concessions, a man comes up to me and remarked about how nice my jersey is. He then proposes that he would swap a jersey he had of the same design, but a different number. At first I thought he was kidding, but then it became apparent he truly wanted the jersey I had. He shared that when he played football for the university, #37 was the number that he wore. And 37 was the number on the jersey I had.

We arranged to meet during the coming week and he and I swapped jerseys. He now has the #37 jersey that means so much to him and I have #35, which I’m sure has a story to tell as well.

I like it when we have chance meetings with others. I have no doubt that I was supposed to buy that #37 Bears baseball jersey. I have no doubts that I was supposed to be wearing it that particular day and ran into Isaiah Whitaker. We’re now FB friends and have a jersey swap story to share for years to come.

David Lee