100 Days of Writing – Day Ninety-Seven

True test of faith… I have a small plaque in my bedroom that states: “Good morning. This is God. I am going to be handling all your problems today.” As I reflect on the past year, I’m not so sure what exactly that entails. I know that I need to do my part and yes, sometimes my faith in God becomes weak. But today I faithfully believe that there is a God who walks beside me and gives me the guidance, wisdom, and strength to face whatever lies ahead of me.

David Lee

100 Days of Writing – Day Ninety-Six

It was June of last year that I started my one-hundred days of writing. I planned on writing every day for those days. Here we are, nearly a year later and I’m just closing in on the hundredth day. It should be interesting to read back over what I’ve written this past year. If only I knew then what I know now. But that’s not the way life works, is it?

I am one of those people who genuinely wants to understand life. Why do things turn out as they do…why people, including myself, do the things they do. I have gained some understanding, but have I really. I think I’ve figured out why things in the past happened as they did, but have I really? It may just be my viewpoint and that’s about all. And I’m okay with that.

Radical acceptance is a relatively new term for me. But I think it’s an important concept to take into account moving forward. The past definitely cannot be changed. Things happened as they did,,,turned out the way they did. No amount of thinking is going to change that. While there are lessons to be learned for sure, I don’t need to obsess about the past and revisit all those moments.

So just for today, I’ll try to live in the present and appreciate the day.

David Lee

100 Days of Writing – Day Ninety-Five

It would seem that tests of faith abound here of late. I’ve found my beliefs to be changing in broad respects. Is it just a stage or something much larger?

I’ve heard it often said that we face many tests of faith in our lives. This past year has seen more of those tests of faith than I can fathom. And as the events in my life continue to unfold, I’m finding that my faith is being tested beyond compare.

Some of the beliefs I’ve held for almost all of my life are being called into question. I have seen the core beliefs I was raised with are being tested. I’m listening to other voices and some of those are making a lot of sense in the context of what’s going on in my life.

I’ve done quite a bit of reading and have watched a good number of YouTube videos and have come to know other perspectives as to what makes our world as it is. Not that I’ve totally given up all my former beliefs, but I have gained an understanding that there are other ways to view how our world was created and how it works in the present day.

And for right now, that’s all I have to say about that.

David Lee

100 Days of Writing – Day Ninety-Four

Radical acceptance…radical surrender…and lessons to be learned.

I’ve read a lot about the process of “letting go” and although it seems simple, it’s definitely never easy. There are so many, some say most, things that are beyond our locus of control in this world. It seems this is especially true when it comes to other people’s thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs. Even when we have a vested interest in someone else’s decisions about how they live their lives, it would appear that letting go is the ultimate answer.

This is not to say that we should sit idly by and feel the effects of other people’s choices. We should do our due diligence and then, and only then, give it up to the Universe to resolve. I used to think that meant that things would go our way in most cases, but I now know that’s not the case. Even still, letting go frees us up to be the people we were intended to be.

I can send positive intentions out into the Universe, even for that person whose actions have had an adverse effect on me. I can do what I need to do to take care of myself and practice self-care. But ultimately, the circumstances dictate outcomes that are beyond my control and I need to do what I feel is necessary to practice self-care and move on with my life.

Such are my thoughts this day, as I practice the radical acceptance and surrender that seems to be necessary to live a peaceful and productive life.

David Lee

100 Days of Writing – Day Ninety-Three

The world of emotions can be like a roller coaster ride with lots of ups and downs. But as a friend reminded me today, at least I have a roller coaster.

This week of spring break has been a good time to relax and get a few things done around the house. While I didn’t do all I had planned, I’ve enjoyed having the time off from work. Today was one of those days when not-so-enjoyable emotions seemed to want to have their way. Just a reminder that I am not my emotions, I’m the one experiencing them.

Lot has gone on this past year in my life this past calendar year. There have been a lot of beginnings and endings. I think I can say that most of what’s happened was outside my locus of control. In fact, a friend reminded me today that it’s almost all out of our control. So when one of those depressive days rolls in like it did today, I have to keep the faith that my journey is exactly what it’s supposed to be and I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, both emotionally and spiritually.

I most of the time choose not to share the details of my last year’s journey. I don’t want to harbor any pity, nor do I want to give personal details that are no one’s business but my own. But let’s just say that the roller coaster ride has been a wild one and I can understand why not-so-good days like today show up from time-to-time.

I went back in my journals last night and reread some of what I’d written since December, which was a life-changing month for me. I then went back to readings from last summer to see if there was something I could glean from those writings. Perhaps I shouldn’t have done that. I attribute a part of today’s down feeling to my reminiscing about those difficult times.

Things didn’t turn out the way any of us might have wanted. But those things did happen and there’s nothing that can be done to change any of that. I try to remind myself to stay in the present moment and not linger in the past. But I still can find myself doing that fairly often. Perhaps last night’s reading should be the final time I revisit those journal entries.

I did do some work in the yard today, thinking that would help me take my mind off thoughts that were unproductive. And while there was a bit of frustration with things of a mechanical nature, I was able to stay the course and get quite a bit done. Physical activity was good for the soul in this case.

I also had shared something with a FB friend via messenger and that person had responded to the humorous video I had share. She reminded me of some important things to keep in mind, mainly that much or most of what goes on in our worlds is out of our control. She also reminded me that I had to consider what part I had to play in my life’s circumstances and it was good to have that in mind.

So today has been another day. I know I have a lot to be grateful for and am looking forward to what the new day might hold. I’m still taking it one day at a time.

David Lee

Shared Reading: “The Point of No Return”

There are those points in our lives when we realize we cannot return to our former way of living. And while those times past can often come calling, we have to understand that staying in the present moment and moving forward are always going to be in our best interest. I struggle with this on many levels and found a writing that seemed to be speaking to me. The writing is one I’ve copied into my journal and have been referring to on a frequent basis. (Comments in intalicized print are my own.)

“When you come face-to-face with the point of no return, remember the good times (and looking back, there were many), appreciate the joyful times (once again, there were plenty of those), be grateful for any support, encouragment, or contentment you experienced (I received so much from so many).
Pack all of those things in a corner of your heart and take them with you as you move forward. Acknowledge and accept that you may not be able to go back to what you had but that you have something to take with you on your new journey.”

Iyanla Vanzant

100 Days of Writing – Day Ninety-Two

Today, it’s just some random thoughts…no particular topic.

It’s spring break again, and this one is quite different from the last. So many things have happened in this past year and times like this where I can reflect on it all are essential.

I’ve been analyzing a lot of the events that have occurred this past year and as I always do, trying to make sense of them all. And then there’s the realization that I’m wasting many of my present moments when I spend time doing that. I’ve definitely got to work on living more in the present and dwelling less on the past.

Sure, there are lessons to be learned from the past, but moreso, there are enjoyable moments to be experienced in the here and now. Today is a prime example of a day that I can choose to spend dwelling on parts of this past year or enjoying the beautifully gorgeous day outside. The choice is mine.

So just for today, I’ll realize when those thoughts and feelings about the past are popping up and divert them into doing something here at the house or getting out and about to enjoy the beautiful day.

David Lee

100 Days of Writing – Day Ninety-One

Am I truly angry or is it something that’s just a pet peeve of mine? I’ve never been comfortable being angry with someone or something. I feel for the most part, it’s a complete waste of energy. Yet, as a human, there are going to be those times when anger rears its ugly head. There are certain situations that tend to make my anger, or at least lack of patience, make themselves be seen.

  • Retail stores where the checkout is not staffed when I’m ready to purchase something. One would think a business that’s trying to sell something would ALWAYS have someone present at the cash register when someone has decided to make a purchase. Such is not the case with quite a few establishments. I attribute a part of this to the fact they’r understaffed, but it’s one thing that can get me preturbed quickly. Yesterday, I almost walked out of a store when the wait at the cash register got to be a bit too long.
  • Restaurants that choose to clean while I’m sitting at a table eating. I sometimes think I have a slogan on my shirt that says “Please come sweep around my table while I’m trying to eat my food.” Cleanliness is important in restaurants. I totally get that. But is there not some other time or place you could choose to clean than right when I’m eating?
  • People that for some reason think they need to talk loudly while out in public….It could be that they’re hard of hearing, but then again given some of their ages, perhaps not. It doesn’t seem to matter that there are other people around trying to focus, read, or have conversations of their own. Your’s undoubtedly is much more important than mine. Turn the volume down!
  • Over-the-counter medications with super-small printing on their labels. Good luck with reading the fine, fine print. And don’t be in a rush to find out the most important information, the only information you’re likely looking for, how much of the medication is considered a dose and how often you should take it. Many of the OTCs even have a “sub-label” where you actually have to peel off the top label to find the most important information of all. It’s almost like they’re trying to hide it from you.
  • Computer printers that don’t seem to want to work consistently. I thought the advent of bluetooth printers would really be to my advantage. Such is not the case. I never had problems with my computer printers when they were actually connected to the computer. I’ve had more problems with the wireless versions than I care to mention. The dreaded “Computer is offline” message shows up much too frequently. And good luck with figuring out how to get it back online. It would seem to take an act of Congress to do so.

David Lee