100 Days of Writing – Day Twenty-Four

I saw it sitting there…that one lonesome cigarette. It was begging me to light it up.

I am three days and ten hours into my quest to not smoke any more cigarettes. I’m not going to say it’s been easy, but I am not struggling as much as I have in the past. The nicotine lozenges and new medication, Adderall, that I’m taking for ADD seem to be helping in unison with each other.

A couple of days ago, I found one loose cigarette in my car and in most previous cases, I would have lit it up without thinking. It lay in the cup holder, partially bent, but with no tears. It would be easy enough to straighten it out, find a lighter and smoke it. It was almost as if it was begging me to have “just this one.”

I overcame the urge, yet at the same time, didn’t throw the cigarette away. I tossed it on the floorboard of the passenger side of the car. I guess I figured I might be in need of it later and perhaps at a time when my will wasn’t as strong.

Later in the day, I got back in the car to run some errands and there it was again. Sitting on the floorboard, imploring me to light it up “for old time’s sake.” This time I took it up and destroyed it and threw it away. I could already predict what would happen if I smoked that one cigarette. I would smoke it rather quickly and still not have my “fix” of nicotine. I would then proceed to drive to a convenience store and buy a whole pack. I once again would be left back at square one. My usual mentality when smoking was, “I’ll finish this whole pack (20 cigarettes) and then I’ll make another concerted effort to quit. In other words, I played the tape ahead and knew that my resolve would have been weakened to the point I wouldn’t think I had the strength to stop again.

So my brush with a “near smoke” resulted in success for my status as a non-smoker. Some parts of it are easier than others. Right when waking up in the morning and just after a meal seem to be the most difficult times to resist. But as with most all of things, it’s one day at a time.


100 Days of Writing – Day Twenty-Three

Adventures in Living: Trying to treat ADD with meds, while at the same time, quit smoking – Day Six

Day six has once again been successful in terms of not smoking cigarettes (4:44 p.m.) I had an active day, babysitting my granddaughter and delivering Meals on Wheels. Staying active is definitely a plus when it comes to staying away from a cigarette. I did find a single cigarette in my car during meal deliveries, but I was able to resist the urge to light it up. I probably need to dispose of it when I go back out to my car.

I took my Adderall quite a bit earlier than I have on previous days. My day was off to an earlier start and I decided it was best to go ahead and take it so I didn’t forget. Once again I’ve felt a decrease in anxious thoughts and focus on what’s in front of me. I do think it’s also helping with smoking cessation. Part of the reason I think I smoked was in an attempt to soothe my anxious thoughts. I’ve also realized over the past couple of days that a lot of my smoking is merely a habit. Lots of time it’s what I do when I don’t have anything else to do. Or I reach certain points in the day, like waking up or finishing a meal, and I catch myself thinking “It’s time to go smoke a cigarette.” But those thoughts today have just been in passing and I chose not to act on them.

I have still been using nicotine lozenges and they seem to supply me with the nicotine fix I’m desiring and because they’re so slow to dissolve, also satisfy the urge to need to have something in my mouth.

I’m also using the “QuitNow” app on my phone to help keep track of my progress. I’ve avoided 29 cigarettes as of this writing (who would have thought I would have smoked that many?) Anything that helps me keep a positive frame of mind, like this app, is of utmost importance.

100 Days of Writing – Day Twenty-Two

Adventures in Living: Trying to treat ADD with meds, while at the same time, quit smoking – Day Five

Another day is nearly half-done and I’ve had more success today than on any of the other previous days. I awakened this morning at 5 a.m. and had a cigarette. Before retiring back to bed, I got two nicotine lozenges and popped them in my mouth. I also took the remaining pack of cigarettes and drenched them under the kitchen sink to insure I wouldn’t smoke any more of them when I woke back up. That single cigarette I had has been my only one so far today (3:23 p.m.)

I took my ADD medication sometime between 8-9 a.m. I feel like it’s giving me better focus and less anxiety than on the previous days. I know that I have to give it time to get the desired overall effect, but I’m pleased so far. I have experienced some tiredness later in the evening while I’ve been taking it, but last night wasn’t quite as pronounced as previous nights.

I did consider today that doing both of these regimens at the same time, quitting smoking and trying a new ADD medication, might have its drawbacks. But I sincerely feel that perhaps they can work in conjunction with each other to bring about the desired results. The ADD medication seems to be lessening my anxious thoughts, which is one of the triggers for lighting up a cigarette. There have been several times today where I’ve thought of having a cigarette, but I soon realized this was more out of habit than an actual craving for nicotine.

I’m hopeful that my impulsivity will not get the best of me for the remainder of the day and that I’ll be able to say as I retire for the night, “I’ve just had one cigarette today and tomorrow will have none.”

100 Days of Writing – Day Twenty-One

Record your family treasures.

Write down a favorite family something: a recipe, a saying, a tradition, or a story.

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, the family tradition that first comes to mind for me is our weekly Sunday lunches (or dinners, if you prefer). These have been a time-honored family ritual from my earliest recollections at my great grandparents’ home to the present. Best I can figure, that’s at least sixty years old.

The tradition, at least for myself, started back in the mid-60s when my age was in the single digits. My great grandparents would have us come to their house after church on Sunday and we would have what could best be called a feast. They had a wood stove in the kitchen area that my great-grandmother would use to prepare the meals. Afterward, we would go out in the yard under the big shade trees and have watermelon for dessert. Some of my fondest childhood memories were created during these Sunday lunches together. (Somewhere in my photo archives, I have a picture of one such gathering and will attempt to find it and post it with this story later.)

Once both great grandparents had passed away, our family lunches tradition continued at my maternal grandparents’ home. My grandfather took great pride in the delicious dishes he prepared and if for some reason you didn’t show up at the appointed time, you were sure to receive a phone call to find out where you were. They lived right across from the church we attended, so there were no easy excuses. One of my fondest memories of these times was when my grandfather would eat only one item on his plate at a time. Only after he finished one particular item, let’s say green beans, would he go on to the next food on his plate. He loved corn on the cob, although when he was eating it, most of the time it seemed about half the kernels ended up around his mouth. He would also many times make homemade ice cream and I have as to yet in life taste anything so good.

When my grandfather passed away, my grandmother moved in with her sister, my great-aunt Ruth. Our Sunday meals then moved to her house. Her house was relatively small, but it made for an even cozier family time together. Some of us would sit on the enclosed back porch to eat, a couple at the kitchen table, and sometimes if it was crowded, we would go to the fancy dining room table. Lots of good conversations were to be had during these gatherings. The most memorable part of these gatherings was when someone announced that they were leaving and my aunt Ruth would always say, “Don’t leave,,,, why are you going?” Even to this day, that phrase will sometimes be heard even though Ruth passed away quite a few years ago.

After my grandmother and great aunt passed away, the Sunday lunches moved to my parents’ house. My mother would prepare meals on Saturday to make sure we had more than enough to eat. We had a kitchen table we would sit at and when there was a full house, there were small tables that would be placed in the living room for the overflow to be seated. Many times after the meal was finished, both kids and adults would go to the backyard and laugh and play. The children would take turns being pushed on the swing, playing baseball or soccer, and obviously were filled with great joy.

The pandemic that began in earnest in March of 2020 brought a hiatus to family meals as we knew them. With both parents in their eighties and most of the children and grandchildren working in public, we decided it would be best not to have our weekly gatherings. It was especially hard on my mother, who had the beginning stages of her battle with dementia, and truly didn’t understand why we were no longer getting together.

As time progressed, the pandemic’s severity lessened and we began getting together once more. Given my mother’s condition, we made the decision to start bringing the various courses for the meal from our own homes. This lightened the load on my parents and gave us all the opportunity to contribute. My mother passed away in May of 2022, but we felt it important to continue our family tradition. Today we had pizza and a banana cake that my sister had made. Who knows what might be on the menu next week.

The family tradition continues….

100 Days of Writing – Day Twenty

Adventures in Living: Trying to treat ADD with meds, while at the same time, quit smoking – Day Three

Yesterday was my third day of taking stimulant medication to try to get a better handle on my ADD. I would also like to say I still have in mind to quit smoking, but didn’t take much effort on that front. Honesty is the best policy.

I took my meds at 9 a.m. yesterday morning. I’ve been trying to pay attention to what time I take it to see if any particular time works best. I am able to say I saw better focus a short while after taking the dose. I also noticed a dry mouth throughout the day and have read that’s one of the expected side effects.

I did start getting somewhat tired mid-afternoon, but fought the urge to take a nap. My wife and I did spend quite a bit of time on the go for most of the day and the heat I think took a toll on my energy level as well.

The biggest difference I saw on this day as compared to the first two days on meds was the tiredness I experienced at the end of the day. It was difficult to stay awake until my usual bedtime and when I did finally go to bed, getting to sleep occurred quickly. I woke up this morning at 5 a.m. and found it difficult to get back to sleep. That’s pretty much par for the course for me though. My mind starts to spinning with 1001 thoughts and it’s hard to get that from continuing.

My wife did find a program about ADHD and its treatments on Amazon video and we watched that. It was interesting to see how people, mainly children, had started on meds and how it affected their daily lives. It was also enlightening to see how many public figures there are who have had much success in life who also either have ADD or ADHD.

So the journey continues today. Smoking cessation has not occurred today and I’m contemplating when to take my medication today. I’m on my second cup of coffee and I know it acts as a stimulant and that has helped me get a bit more organized with my thoughts.

100 Days of Writing – Day Nineteen

What is a hobby that you have and why do you think you enjoy it?

My favorite hobby would have to be collecting soft drink advertising items. I started when I was a teen and continue the practice even today, although I’ve slowed down a bit due to storage space and price.

I first started collecting soda bottles at about twelve years old or so. I got a large Coca-Cola bottle when I went to an auction with my grandfather. He told me that the man we got it from used to work for the Coca-Cola Company here in town. The second bottle I got was a large 7-Up bottle that I retrieved from a small restaurant downtown. The number of bottles in my collection quickly grew and I remember they rested on shelves on the wall beside my bed. Heaven help me if we should ever have had an earthquake.

At some point along the path, I started to collect soft drink signs. There was a local farmers’ market where you could get older signs at very reasonable prices. This was back before their popularity caught fire and prices escalated.

I would also find cola signs out and about that were eventually headed for the landfill and I rescued them from their demise. One of my favorite places to go was a local sign company that did contract work in installing and removing Pepsi-Cola signs. I asked one day what they were going to do with them and they said when their pile got big enough, they would be taking them to the landfill. I asked if I could take them and they were more than willing to let me take that load off their hands.

The favorite part of my collection has to be those that I was able to get from my great-grandfather’s general store. The day before the store was demolished, I was given access and could take what I could get. This included the largest sign now in my collection, a Coca-Cola sign that hung on the back side of the store. It took quite a while to get it to come down, but alas, I was successful.

As time went on, as I got married and had a family, I found my time and interest in collecting dwindled somewhat. Signs also became very popular items for home decor and as a result, their prices went up, and reproductions were then made. Today I can buy a reproduction for what I used to be able to purchase the real deal.

I think my connection and love of collecting soda bottles and signs are directly related to the fact that some of my fondest memories of childhood were the time that I spent at my great-grandfather’s store. We pretty much had the run of the place and there were so many interesting characters who would regularly appear there. One of my jobs (truthfully perhaps my only one) was to fill the drink boxes each day. I still to this day can remember the aroma that each of the boxes had as I reached down inside to replenish the supply.

Collecting soda bottles and advertising are something I think I’ll always have love for. Just today, I purchased an old filled Coca-Cola bottle at an estate sale. It already has a prominent space in my display of other bottles. Cheers to soda advertising and collecting!

100 Days of Writing – Day Eighteen

Adventures in Living: Trying to treat ADD with meds, while at the same time, quit smoking – Day Two

Today marks my second day at an attempt to treat my ADD and quit smoking. Results for the day (at 2:28 p.m) have been mixed thus far.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and take my ADD medication. The prescription label says to take one dose “in the morning” and I figured it was as good a time as any. I also got a cigarette and smoked it before retiring back to bed.

Just over two hours later, I woke up for good and could feel the positive effects of the medication. These included a lightening of the stress level and anxious thoughts in my mind and a more pronounced level of calm. These effects have continued until this point, although I am finding myself a bit sleepy. The pharmacist had told me that this was to be expected.

As far as the cessation of smoking, I’ve made no advances in that area. When I saw I was almost out of cigarettes last night around 8 p.m., I went and got another pack. This occurred without me even considering that I might want to give stopping another concerted try. I’ve continued to smoke all day today thus far.

I have done some reading from two different books today, one of which is all about ADD. I came to the conclusion that it was somewhat problematic for a person who has ADD to try to read a book about ADD. I have, however, read thirty-one pages by mid-afternoon. The other book I’m reading is about being spiritually aware and it’s been a bit more of a struggle to focus on thus far.

In addition to reading and writing in my journal, I went and took a few pictures in a local park. It didn’t seem there was a whole lot to photograph, so I stopped after only a few shots. I will make an effort in the future to try to diversify my activities beyond just reading and writing.

So has gone my day thus far.

ADD in a Nutshell

The following excerpt from Edward Hollowell and John Ratey’s Driven to Distraction is a perfect assessment of what ADD is all about, at least for me.

“Books, papers, odd socks, old letters, a few half-smoked packages of Marlboros, and other loose ends lay scattered about, much like the bits and pieces of cognition that were strewn about in my mind.”

100 Days of Writing – Day Seventeen

Adventures in Living: Trying to treat ADD with meds, while at the same time, quit smoking – Day One

Here I am, at sixty-three years of age, dealing with two “situations” in my life: Attention Deficit Disorder and smoking cigarettes. I’ve tried a couple of prescription medications for both ADD and smoking without success. This is the beginning of yet another attempt to take care of the two, which in union, can my life unmanageable.

I addressed the ADD situation first, figuring if I got it under control, it would help with quitting smoking. The first non-stimulant prescription I was given did nothing but make me very sleepy. I was to have doubled the dose for the second week and I knew that’s something that would be difficult to tolerate. So I stopped that med after four days and waited until my next doctor appointment a couple of weeks later.

So the grand experiment continues with my next doctor visit and he decides we’ll try a generic form of Adderall, which is methamphetamine. Although I’ve only taken one dose of the new med, I’ve already noticed some relief from the heaviness of my ADD symptoms. The final verdict is not yet in, but I’m pleased with the early returns.

In the smoking arena, I have tried more than several times to stop smoking. I recently had a smoking friend who received a lung cancer diagnosis and this called me to action in once again attempting to find a solution. I didn’t start smoking until my mid-30s, but I realize on a daily basis that it’s detrimental to my physical health on so many fronts. Nicotine lozenges, patches, and four different attempts with the prescription drug Chantix left no long-lasting effects. I was able to stop smoking for four years at one point, but life issues cropped up and I was once again back on the smoking train.

I’ve determined with the new ADD meds on board, I’m ready to try once more to quit the hideous habit. I’ve gotten an ample supply of nicotine lozenges to once again tomorrow morning give it a go. I’m hoping that with the combination of meds to help with my ADD and smoking cessation, I’ll be able to kill two birds with one stone.

I do believe that the behavior characteristics of ADD and my smoking habit feed off one another. My mind is all over the place, here and there, and that can create a lot of anxious thoughts. My current solution to those thoughts is to go and smoke a cigarette. Since cigarettes are stimulants, they may be a short-term fix for those anxious thoughts. But of course, it’s there’s the domino effect where it’s one cigarette after another after another and then the cycle starts all over again.

I’ll try to document my progress along this journey, hoping it will offer some experience, strength, and hope to others who are dealing with either or both of these same issues.

Wish me luck.