I saw it sitting there…that one lonesome cigarette. It was begging me to light it up.
I am three days and ten hours into my quest to not smoke any more cigarettes. I’m not going to say it’s been easy, but I am not struggling as much as I have in the past. The nicotine lozenges and new medication, Adderall, that I’m taking for ADD seem to be helping in unison with each other.
A couple of days ago, I found one loose cigarette in my car and in most previous cases, I would have lit it up without thinking. It lay in the cup holder, partially bent, but with no tears. It would be easy enough to straighten it out, find a lighter and smoke it. It was almost as if it was begging me to have “just this one.”
I overcame the urge, yet at the same time, didn’t throw the cigarette away. I tossed it on the floorboard of the passenger side of the car. I guess I figured I might be in need of it later and perhaps at a time when my will wasn’t as strong.
Later in the day, I got back in the car to run some errands and there it was again. Sitting on the floorboard, imploring me to light it up “for old time’s sake.” This time I took it up and destroyed it and threw it away. I could already predict what would happen if I smoked that one cigarette. I would smoke it rather quickly and still not have my “fix” of nicotine. I would then proceed to drive to a convenience store and buy a whole pack. I once again would be left back at square one. My usual mentality when smoking was, “I’ll finish this whole pack (20 cigarettes) and then I’ll make another concerted effort to quit. In other words, I played the tape ahead and knew that my resolve would have been weakened to the point I wouldn’t think I had the strength to stop again.
So my brush with a “near smoke” resulted in success for my status as a non-smoker. Some parts of it are easier than others. Right when waking up in the morning and just after a meal seem to be the most difficult times to resist. But as with most all of things, it’s one day at a time.
David Lee 