During the past couple of months, I’ve had a lot of time to think about my life. I’ve pondered the various teaching jobs I’ve had, the other work experiences in my resume, lots of things about life in general. Here the past week or so, I’ve been considering my romantic relationships, or should we say, lack thereof.
I was married to the same woman for twenty-three years and had started dating her when I was sixteen. All told, we had been together for twenty-seven years. So needless to say, my world was thrown into a tailspin when she decided to up and leave my life one day. I did all I could to get her to return, but such was not to be. So for the first time in my life, I began to date and explore other relationships with women that made their way into my life. Needless to say, none of the relationships lasted long term, the longest last nearly a year. So here I am, nearly eighteen years into the single journey, alone and not currently dating anyone.
I’ve wondered myself and had several people ask, “Why do you think you’re still single after all these years?” The answer doesn’t come easy and I usually end up saying, “I just haven’t found the right person.” Here of late I’m about at the point where I don’t think that’s ever going to happen and although it’s something I’m missing and desire, will come to accept.
I have thought along the path that I’d found the right person, but something along the way would always get in the way and things would fall apart. I think it takes a while to really get to know someone and see that person in a variety of situations before you truly know them…and of course, for them to know you. In each failed relationship, there was something that just didn’t click long-term and the romance came to a close.
I’ve thought recently that I had found someone that I was truly compatible with, but such was not to be the case. I still think about this person quite a bit, but have remembered something someone once told me,,,”You’re missing the closeness that a true relationship offers and aren’t actually missing the person herself.” There was something that caused each relationship to fail and this one was no different. And I can tend to attach my feelings to a particular person, when in reality, it’s a feeling that I have about myself and anyone I might find myself with.
So I’ve about gotten to the point that I’m going to just live my life one day at a time and truly believe that if someone is meant to be in my life, circumstances will lead to that. Dating websites and social media have not proven to be of much use, so I’ll leave it up to the universe to answer the call, if indeed it is to be answered.