Graveyard

Graveyard

Halsey

It’s crazy when
The thing you love the most is the detriment
Let that sink in
You can think again
When the hand you wanna hold is a weapon and
You’re nothin’ but skinOh, ’cause I keep diggin’ myself down deeper
I won’t stop ’til I get where you are
I keep running, I keep running, I keep runningThey say I may be making a mistake
I would’ve followed all the way, no matter how far
I know when you go down all your darkest roads
I would’ve followed all the way to the graveyardOh, ’cause I keep diggin’ myself down deeper
I won’t stop ’til I get where you are
I keep running when both my feet hurt
I won’t stop ’til I get where you are
Oh, when you go down all your darkest roads
I would’ve followed all the way to the graveyard (no, oh)You look at me (look at me)…

Hold You…

 

Hold You

CLANN

Rest now, my love
It’s all right
The dark is gone
I’m here
I hold you
(I hold you)Rest now, your heart
It’s all right
We’re all right
Although you’re gone
I’ll be here to hold you
I’ve got youWill you breathe through me?
And calm the storm inside
Just breathe through me
We’ll keep the fires alight
I’ll face down the world with youI hold you
I’m here
To hold youWill you breathe through me?
And calm the storm inside
Just…

Everything I Wanted…

Everything I Wanted

Billie Eilish

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you’d think
And if I’m being honestIt might’ve been a nightmare
To anyone who might care
Thought I could fly (fly)
So I stepped off the Golden, mm
Nobody cried (cried, cried, cried, cried)
Nobody even noticed
I saw them standing right there
Kinda thought they might care (might care, might care)I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me And you say, “As long as I’m here
No one can hurt you
Don’t wanna lie here
But you can learn to
If I could change
The way that you see yourself
You wouldn’t wonder why you hear
They don’t deserve you”I tried to scream
But my head was underwater
They called me weak
Like I’m not just somebody’s daughter Coulda been a nightmare
But it felt like they were…

Another Last Day…

Today marks the end of another interim teaching assignment for me, the teacher that retired ten years ago that can’t quite seem to get enough of what he loves best – teaching. This year’s assignment has been different in so many ways from all the rest. But it’s definitely one to be remembered for all the good things that happened.

The job was originally supposed to be a two-week assignment. That two weeks soon turned into nine weeks, then eleven. And before you knew it, winter break was the next stopping point on the journey. And came it did,,,I was back to substituting and although I missed the students and staff, I accepted it as being as it was supposed to be.

But the way life can be sometimes, I was called back to serve in the same position until the end of the school year. I couldn’t have been happier. Little did I realize at that point what the rest of the school year would hold in store.

News of the covid pandemic reached us the second week in March. We had reached the end of the nine weeks and had a four day weekend with two work days. Little did we realize on that Thursday afternoon that we would be with our students for the last time. The next weekend brought the news that we’d be doing our teaching and learning remotely. And then with the next wave, it became for the rest of the year.

I have to admit that it was a struggle for me to get those things done that I needed to do for remote learning. I had always thought that working from home would be so much easier, but such was far from the truth. Luckily, I had two awesome co-teachers that helped me out in ways I’ll never be able to repay.

And so today is the day…the last day in this gig. I’m getting ready to go turn in my keys and return my Chromebook and say good-byes. I’d never even been inside the school before that day in August of last year, but it’s definitely a part of my heart this day. And the days will be a little less bright because the job is officially done.

*** – Pictured below – On the last day we were together as a school, two of my students picked a flower and shared it with me during recess…a gift from their hearts on the last day we’d be together. Photo taken on Thursday, March 12th

Image may contain: flower

My teammates and I….

Image may contain: one or more people, people standing and shoes

Romantic Relationships…or lack thereof

During the past couple of months, I’ve had a lot of time to think about my life. I’ve pondered the various teaching jobs I’ve had, the other work experiences in my resume, lots of things about life in general. Here the past week or so, I’ve been considering my romantic relationships, or should we say, lack thereof.

I was married to the same woman for twenty-three years and had started dating her when I was sixteen. All told, we had been together for twenty-seven years. So needless to say, my world was thrown into a tailspin when she decided to up and leave my life one day. I did all I could to get her to return, but such was not to be. So for the first time in my life, I began to date and explore other relationships with women that made their way into my life. Needless to say, none of the relationships lasted long term, the longest last nearly a year. So here I am, nearly eighteen years into the single journey, alone and not currently dating anyone.

I’ve wondered myself and had several people ask, “Why do you think you’re still single after all these years?” The answer doesn’t come easy and I usually end up saying, “I just haven’t found the right person.” Here of late I’m about at the point where I don’t think that’s ever going to happen and although it’s something I’m missing and desire, will come to accept.

I have thought along the path that I’d found the right person, but something along the way would always get in the way and things would fall apart. I think it takes a while to really get to know someone and see that person in a variety of situations before you truly know them…and of course, for them to know you. In each failed relationship, there was something that just didn’t click long-term and the romance came to a close.

I’ve thought recently that I had found someone that I was truly compatible with, but such was not to be the case. I still think about this person quite a bit, but have remembered something someone once told me,,,”You’re missing the closeness that a true relationship offers and aren’t actually missing the person herself.” There was something that caused each relationship to fail and this one was no different. And I can tend to attach my feelings to a particular person, when in reality, it’s a feeling that I have about myself and anyone I might find myself with.

So I’ve about gotten to the point that I’m going to just live my life one day at a time and truly believe that if someone is meant to be in my life, circumstances will lead to that. Dating websites and social media have not proven to be of much use, so I’ll leave it up to the universe to answer the call, if indeed it is to be answered.

David Lee

Random Thoughts in a Crazy Time…

I know it’s been a long while since I posted anything on here. School-related activities, some dental issues, family matters, etc. have all seemed to be on the forefront. But the fact of the matter is, I lost interest in sharing what was going on and also didn’t seem like I had the motivation to post my daily posts.

So I’m led this day to write a few words as we experience the craziest of times in our world. As if a global pandemic with over 100,000 deaths weren’t enough, now we have violent protests across the country due to the murder of a black man at the hands of police officers. And amidst trying to make sense of it all, there seems to be no course.

I’ll try to keep in mind that there are reasons as to why things happen as they do. It’s not for me to say why people choose their words and actions, nor is it my place to understand them completely or at all. But we’re definitely in a time where the future is so unclear and I’m afraid I see our nation as one that is falling apart.

So here I am, thoughts running all over the place and just thought I’d write a few of them down. And make an effort to start tomorrow, June 1, sharing more of the daily meditations and what’s going on in my thought life. I think it’s much more productive than just letting it spend round and round without any purpose.

David Lee

Daily Readings for Tuesday, May 5th

Meditation for the Day

The way sometimes seems long and weary. So many people today are weary. The weariness of others must often be shared by me. The weary and the heavy laden, when they come to me, should be helped to find the rest that I have found. There is only one sure cure for world-weariness and that is turning to spiritual things. In order to help bring about the turning of the weary world to God, I must dare to suffer, dare to conquer selfishness in myself, and dare to be filled with spiritual peace in the face of all the weariness of the world.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be a help to discouraged people. I pray that I may have the courage to help bring about what the weary world needs but does not know how to get.
From: 24 Hours a Day


Feeling Good

Make yourself feel good.

It’s our job to first make ourselves feel better and then make ourselves feel good. Recovery is not only about stopping painful feelings; it is about creating a good life for ourselves.

We don’t have to deny ourselves activities that help us feel good. Going to meetings, basking in the sun, exercising, taking a walk, or spending time with a friend are activities that may help us feel good. We each have our list. If we don’t, we’re now free to explore, experiment, and develop that list.

When we find a behavior or activity that produces a good feeling, put it on the list. Then, do it frequently.

Let’s stop denying ourselves good feelings and start doing things that make us feel good.

Today, I will do one activity or behavior that I know will create a good feeling for me. If I’m uncertain about what I like, I will experiment with one behavior today.
From: Language of Letting Go

Another set of Random Thoughts as the Day Begins…..

So here I sit, in my living room at nearly 1 a.m., realizing I had the full intention of getting to sleep at a decent hour. But my mind just wasn’t having any of that and I found myself getting back up before I’d had a chance to really get settled in.

I guess a lot of people are having more sleepless nights here of late, with all the uncertainty of the unseen enemy that is upon us. Hearing that some are braving beyond the four walls of their homes to try to get back to something close to the life they knew two long months ago. And again, there are others who say it’s too soon, that the enemy is still present and waiting to surge upon us once more.

And here I am, as the new day has begun in darkness, not really knowing what the future might hold, what course lies ahead. Learning to be okay with that feeling is can what keep me sleepless well past the time I should be resting my weary eyes.

Tomorrow will be filled with challenges of its own,,,today certainly was. Taking both the good and the bad and realizing they’re all a part of what it takes to get us where we need to be. Trying to quieten my wandering and wondering mind to keep my head and my feet in the same place.

Such is the world we find ourselves in…like a surreal scene from a science fiction novel come to life. Like a nightmare that will soon be over as we wake and then realizing we’re not asleep.

My dog, my constant companion through it all, whines as if to say it’s time to say good night and head for the night of sleep that was promised. And so it is and so the story goes.

David Lee