100 Days of Writing – Day Forty-Three

Continued absitenence from smoking and a close call….

Thirty-four days, six hours, thirty minutes….that’s how long it’s been since I smoked my last cigarette. Even now, over a month later, I still have cravings and urges to have “just a smoke or two.” But I know full well where that will lead,,,a place I’m not interested in going. It’s still one day at a time, sometimes one minute or hour at a time. But I’ve got this!

This morning, on my way to run some errands, I had the overwhelming urge to have a cigarette. There were several triggers that had popped up yesterday and today and I went so far as to stop at one of the convenience stores I many times frequented to buy a pack. I got a diet soda and strolled up to the cash register with the intention of buying a pack. But I was able to use the skills I have learned on this journey and didn’t buy any and at this hour, am still smoke-free for today.

I know one of the key reasons I continued to smoke for so long is that I had the perception it helped me cope with anxiety and stress. Those were both present this morning and I started to resort to an old and unhealthy way to handle those feelings. Perhaps it was fate or Divine providence, but as I thought it through, I decided not to act on that compulsion. I know to keep my ego in check through all of this, but I can say I’m proud of myself for not lighting up.

I know as the school year starts back, there will be a lot more instances where my thoughts and feelings can try to get the better of me and this urge/compulsion/obsession may very well show up again. But I can use today’s experience as another tool….that no matter how strong the urge may get, I don’t need to act on it.

David Lee

Published by David Lee Moser

I am a sixty year old semi-retired elementary science teacher.

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