Been a While…

Once again, it’s been a while since I’ve done any blog entries. And so on this early rainy Friday morning, I thought I’d put some of thoughts down to share.

Certainly a crazy world we’re living in here of late. Not only are we in the midst of a pandemic, but it’s also become a political debate of sorts as well. A lot of folks it would seem are throwing any scientific evidence out the window and have started going about their business as if the virus is over with and done. And according to what I’ve read and researched, nothing could be further from the truth.

In addition to that situation, we’ve been dealing with a lot racial strife due to the actions of police officers in Minneapolis….lots of protests and outright rioting. There are perhaps some positive changes that are going to result from it all, but for right now it’s caused more division than anything.

So we are over half-way though June, with July knocking on the door, I realize that we’re going to be half-way through this year. A year to end all years it would seem. I definitely took a lot of the simpler things in life for granted, that I know. We can only hope that the second half of the year offers some resolution to the problems we’ve experienced during the first half.

On a personal level, it’s been more difficult this past week or so to deal with the isolation from others. I did go have lunch with my parents and daughter and that was nice. I’ve been making my every-other-day runs to get supplies at the store that’s just up the street. But I genuinely desire to have face-to-face contact with others, and that’s just not happened for me. And I don’t know that there’s a simple solution to that.

My latest attempt at initiating a relationship didn’t pan out as I had hoped and felt it would. I understand that others have their priorities in life and I have to be acceptive of that fact. I’ve reached another one of those times when I pretty much resign myself to the fact that this is just the way it’s supposed to be in my life at this point. But the loneliness seems to be a bit more difficult to deal with these past couple of weeks. I was leading a Zoom online recovery meeting and brought loneliness up as a topic. I heard lots of good experience, strength, and hope during the hour we met. But ironically, the end result at the conclusion of the meeting was that I felt more lonely than I did at the outset.

So as the rain pours and pours outside, as it has most of the week, I prepare to get some sleep and will be ready to start another day when daylight returns. Most of the time I don’t mind the rain, but we’ve had more than our fair share this week. Just one of those parts of life, as with most others things I’ve mentioned, that I don’t have any control over.

I’ll continue in the upcoming days to remember my mantra for this difficult time, “Keep the faith, trust the journey” and know that all will eventually one day be well. At some point, when we don’t know, the virus will be reduced to the point we can go about our more normal routines….Hopefully we will be able to withstand the conflicts of the past several weeks and begin to heal as a country….And I will definitely know that if a relationship is to be a part of my life, it will be and if not, then I’ll be okay with that as well.

Until next time,

David Lee

Wrapped Around Your Finger

Wrapped Around Your Finger

The Police

You consider me the young apprentice
Caught between the Scylla and Charibdes
Hypnotized by you if I should linger
Staring at the ring around your fingerI have only come here seeking knowledge
Things they would not teach me of in college
I can see the destiny you sold turned into a shining band of goldI’ll be wrapped around your finger
I’ll be wrapped around your finger
Mephistopheles is not your name
I know what you’re up to just the same
I will listen hard to your tuition
You will see it come to its fruition
I’ll be wrapped around your finger
I’ll be wrapped around your fingerDevil…

King of Pain…

[Verse 1]
There’s a little black spot on the sun today
It’s the same old thing as yesterday

There’s a black hat caught in a high tree top
There’s a flag pole rag and the wind won’t stop

[Chorus]
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running ’round my brain
I guess I’m always hoping that you’ll end this reign
But it’s my destiny to be the king of pain

[Verse 1]
There’s a little black spot on the sun today
(That’s my soul up there)
It’s the same old thing as yesterday

(That’s my soul up there)
There’s a black hat caught in a high treetop
(That’s my soul up there)
There’s a flag pole rag and the wind won’t stop

(That’s my soul up there)

There’s a fossil that’s trapped in a high cliff wall
(That’s my soul up there)

I Wanna Know….

I Wanna Know

Joe

Yeah


Alright, oh, oh, ohIt’s amazing how you knock me off my feet, hm
Every time you come around me I get weak, oh yeah
Nobody ever made me feel this way, oh
You kiss my lips and then you take my breath away
So I want to knowI want to know what turns you on
I’d like to know (So I can be all that and more)
I’d like to know (I’d like to know what makes you cry)
So I can be the one who always makes you smileGirl he never understood what you were worth, hm no
And he never took the time to make it work
(You deserve more loving, girl)
Baby I’m the kind of man who shows concern, yes I do, oh
Anyway that I can please you let me learn
So I wanna knowI wanna know what turns you on
I wanna know (So I can be all that and more)
I’d like to (I’d like to know…

Never Have I Ever…

Never Have I Ever

Hillsong Young & Free

I was running wild, fell in love with the chase
I’ve been up and down and all over the place
Wasting all my days and nights
Never feeling satisfiedPutting on a smile, I was keeping it fake
But there’s no imitating what I’ve found in Your grace
All the things I left behind
Are shadows now I’ve seen the light (Let me hear ya)In my head and my soul
My heart, my all
I know that I know
Know, know, know (Come on Young & Free)Never, never have I ever
Ever found a love so good, so good
Never, never am I ever
Ever getting over living with You
Nothing will change it
All I can say is
Never, never have I ever
Ever found a love so good, so goodI’ve got a million reasons why I can’t be the same
You’ve got me looking forward, never turning my gaze
Forever, God, it’s You…

Graveyard

Graveyard

Halsey

It’s crazy when
The thing you love the most is the detriment
Let that sink in
You can think again
When the hand you wanna hold is a weapon and
You’re nothin’ but skinOh, ’cause I keep diggin’ myself down deeper
I won’t stop ’til I get where you are
I keep running, I keep running, I keep runningThey say I may be making a mistake
I would’ve followed all the way, no matter how far
I know when you go down all your darkest roads
I would’ve followed all the way to the graveyardOh, ’cause I keep diggin’ myself down deeper
I won’t stop ’til I get where you are
I keep running when both my feet hurt
I won’t stop ’til I get where you are
Oh, when you go down all your darkest roads
I would’ve followed all the way to the graveyard (no, oh)You look at me (look at me)…

Hold You…

 

Hold You

CLANN

Rest now, my love
It’s all right
The dark is gone
I’m here
I hold you
(I hold you)Rest now, your heart
It’s all right
We’re all right
Although you’re gone
I’ll be here to hold you
I’ve got youWill you breathe through me?
And calm the storm inside
Just breathe through me
We’ll keep the fires alight
I’ll face down the world with youI hold you
I’m here
To hold youWill you breathe through me?
And calm the storm inside
Just…

Everything I Wanted…

Everything I Wanted

Billie Eilish

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you’d think
And if I’m being honestIt might’ve been a nightmare
To anyone who might care
Thought I could fly (fly)
So I stepped off the Golden, mm
Nobody cried (cried, cried, cried, cried)
Nobody even noticed
I saw them standing right there
Kinda thought they might care (might care, might care)I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me And you say, “As long as I’m here
No one can hurt you
Don’t wanna lie here
But you can learn to
If I could change
The way that you see yourself
You wouldn’t wonder why you hear
They don’t deserve you”I tried to scream
But my head was underwater
They called me weak
Like I’m not just somebody’s daughter Coulda been a nightmare
But it felt like they were…

Another Last Day…

Today marks the end of another interim teaching assignment for me, the teacher that retired ten years ago that can’t quite seem to get enough of what he loves best – teaching. This year’s assignment has been different in so many ways from all the rest. But it’s definitely one to be remembered for all the good things that happened.

The job was originally supposed to be a two-week assignment. That two weeks soon turned into nine weeks, then eleven. And before you knew it, winter break was the next stopping point on the journey. And came it did,,,I was back to substituting and although I missed the students and staff, I accepted it as being as it was supposed to be.

But the way life can be sometimes, I was called back to serve in the same position until the end of the school year. I couldn’t have been happier. Little did I realize at that point what the rest of the school year would hold in store.

News of the covid pandemic reached us the second week in March. We had reached the end of the nine weeks and had a four day weekend with two work days. Little did we realize on that Thursday afternoon that we would be with our students for the last time. The next weekend brought the news that we’d be doing our teaching and learning remotely. And then with the next wave, it became for the rest of the year.

I have to admit that it was a struggle for me to get those things done that I needed to do for remote learning. I had always thought that working from home would be so much easier, but such was far from the truth. Luckily, I had two awesome co-teachers that helped me out in ways I’ll never be able to repay.

And so today is the day…the last day in this gig. I’m getting ready to go turn in my keys and return my Chromebook and say good-byes. I’d never even been inside the school before that day in August of last year, but it’s definitely a part of my heart this day. And the days will be a little less bright because the job is officially done.

*** – Pictured below – On the last day we were together as a school, two of my students picked a flower and shared it with me during recess…a gift from their hearts on the last day we’d be together. Photo taken on Thursday, March 12th

Image may contain: flower

My teammates and I….

Image may contain: one or more people, people standing and shoes

Romantic Relationships…or lack thereof

During the past couple of months, I’ve had a lot of time to think about my life. I’ve pondered the various teaching jobs I’ve had, the other work experiences in my resume, lots of things about life in general. Here the past week or so, I’ve been considering my romantic relationships, or should we say, lack thereof.

I was married to the same woman for twenty-three years and had started dating her when I was sixteen. All told, we had been together for twenty-seven years. So needless to say, my world was thrown into a tailspin when she decided to up and leave my life one day. I did all I could to get her to return, but such was not to be. So for the first time in my life, I began to date and explore other relationships with women that made their way into my life. Needless to say, none of the relationships lasted long term, the longest last nearly a year. So here I am, nearly eighteen years into the single journey, alone and not currently dating anyone.

I’ve wondered myself and had several people ask, “Why do you think you’re still single after all these years?” The answer doesn’t come easy and I usually end up saying, “I just haven’t found the right person.” Here of late I’m about at the point where I don’t think that’s ever going to happen and although it’s something I’m missing and desire, will come to accept.

I have thought along the path that I’d found the right person, but something along the way would always get in the way and things would fall apart. I think it takes a while to really get to know someone and see that person in a variety of situations before you truly know them…and of course, for them to know you. In each failed relationship, there was something that just didn’t click long-term and the romance came to a close.

I’ve thought recently that I had found someone that I was truly compatible with, but such was not to be the case. I still think about this person quite a bit, but have remembered something someone once told me,,,”You’re missing the closeness that a true relationship offers and aren’t actually missing the person herself.” There was something that caused each relationship to fail and this one was no different. And I can tend to attach my feelings to a particular person, when in reality, it’s a feeling that I have about myself and anyone I might find myself with.

So I’ve about gotten to the point that I’m going to just live my life one day at a time and truly believe that if someone is meant to be in my life, circumstances will lead to that. Dating websites and social media have not proven to be of much use, so I’ll leave it up to the universe to answer the call, if indeed it is to be answered.

David Lee