Today has been a long day. I’m still trying to sort through some things in my life and my mind is on overdrive most all day long. It would seem that the morning hours are those that go the smoothest, but around noon the not-so-happy mindset creeps back in for much of the rest of the day.
I don’t know often how to put it into words but will give it a try. I have made mistakes in the past that are affecting my present days. I accept responsibility for my actions and have created a space for things that are a part of my today. While I can be held accountable and make my amends, there are those who are less willing to forget the past. And that’s having a direct effect on the here and now.
A friend today reminded me of the serenity prayer….I need to find serenity in the things I cannot change. In this case, that’s the past and the mistakes that I made. I also know that I cannot change other people’s thinking and actions. This is perhaps where I’m falling short. I’m not in their shoes, so I can’t know exactly how they feel. If I was in the same situation, I might feel exactly the same. They don’t seem to be willing to forgive me for what I’ve done and there’s nothing I can do to change that.
The serenity prayer also says the courage to change the things that I can. And that’s exactly what I’ve been working on today. I got out and about instead of staying the house brooding all day. I did a lot of reading and writing and reflecting and talked with several friends about the situation at hand. I attempted to put on a brave face with those I interacted with, including my family. I’m writing this blog entry to get some of what’s going on out into the Universe.
I am hopeful that these feelings of sadness and despair will pass when their time is done. I know this can be a difficult season for those of us living by ourselves and I don’t need to be dwelling in the doldrums. I want to be of good spirits for the upcoming weeks and will continue to do what I can to achieve that goal.
I appreciate the fact that you’ve made it to this point in what I’ve had to share. If you have any words of encouragement, they would be much appreciated. You can leave them in the comments below or email them to: firstname.lastname@example.org