Back at It….

A friend reminded me this evening that it had been a while since I’d posted anything on this site. I knew it had been at least a couple of days, but didn’t know it had been four days since I’d last posted anything.

No real excuses here, but thinking back I can try to figure out why.

After posting on here during Lent, I established a good habit of sharing on this site each day. And with the virus outbreak, it gave me pause to have a lot of thinking to put into words. But as the days have continued to linger, I’ve found I’ve lost interest in some of the things that I knew to be good for me and hopefully for others as well.

A part of it was the fact that I had gone back to school for the first time in over five weeks to do some checking of work that my students had turned in. It was another surreal experience in all of this, walking into my classroom as if we’d never left. Kids’ books and pencils and jackets and such were left just as they were on March 12 and it was like any minute they’d come walking in the classroom to start another day….but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. And then the very next day, to no big surprise, it was announced that they wouldn’t be coming back at all this school year. I guess that kind of stuck with me longer than it should…but things have a habit of doing that.

Another week of online learning started today and there were several bumps along the way. I did have a video meeting with my homeroom class and it was good to see their smiling faces. I know I’m supposed to be a positive force in their lives, but on this particular day, they were doing much the same for me. I guess knowing that they’d never be in my class again this school year made things a little bit different today than in past video meetings.

So there you go…just a myriad of thoughts running through my head…it’s just past 12:34 am…one of those times I look and see the sequence and am reminded that things are not by chance or coincidence,,,that there is order amidst the chaos. And such is the journey I travel this night….

Until tomorrow,

David Lee

Daily Readings for Tuesday, April 28th

Initiating Relationships

Often, we can learn much about ourselves from the people to whom we are attracted.

As we progress through recovery, we learn we can no longer form relationships solely on the basis of attraction. We learn to be patient, to allow ourselves to take into account important facts, and to process information about that person.

What we are striving for in recovery is a healthy attraction to people. We allow ourselves to be attracted to who people are, not to their potential or to what we hope they are.

The more we work through our family of origin issues, the less we will find ourselves needing to work through them with the people we’re attracted to. Finishing our business from the past helps us form new and healthier relationships.

The more we overcome our need to be excessive caretakers, the less we will find ourselves attracted to people who need to be constantly taken care of.

The more we learn to love and respect ourselves, the more we will become attracted to people who will love and respect us and who we can safely love and respect.

This is a slow process. We need to be patient with ourselves. The type of people we find ourselves attracted to does not change overnight. Being attracted to dysfunctional people can linger long and well into recovery. That does not mean we need to allow it to control us. The fact is, we will initiate and maintain relationships with people we need to be with until we learn what it is we need to learn – no matter how long we’ve been recovering.

No matter who we find ourselves relating to, and what we discover happening in the relationship, the issue is still about us, and not about the other person. That is the heart, the hope, and the power of recovery.

We can learn to take care of ourselves during the process of initiating and forming relationships. We can learn to go slowly. We can learn to pay attention. We can allow ourselves to make mistakes, even when we know better.

We can stop blaming our relationships on God and begin to take responsibility for them. We can learn to enjoy the healthy relationships and remove ourselves more quickly from the dysfunctional ones.

We can learn to look for what’s good for us, instead of what’s good for the other person.

God, help me pay attention to my behaviors during the process of initiating relationships. Help me take responsibility for myself and learn what I need to learn. I will trust that the people I want and need will come into my life. I understand that if a relationship is not good for me, I have the right and ability to refuse to enter into it – even though the other person thinks it may be good for him or her. I will be open to the lessons I need to learn about me in relationships, so I am prepared for the best possible relationships with people.

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Meditation for the Day

The rule of God’s kingdom is perfect order, perfect harmony, perfect supply, perfect love, perfect honesty, perfect obedience. There is no discord in God’s kingdom, only some things still unconquered in God’s children. The difficulties of life are caused by disharmony in the individual man or woman. People lack power because they lack harmony with God and with each other. They think that God fails because power is not manifested in their lives. God does not fail. People fail because they are out of harmony with Him.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be in harmony with God and with other people. I pray that this harmony will result in strength and success.

Daily Readings for Monday, April 27th

Meditation for the Day

We know God by spiritual vision. We feel that He is beside us. We feel His presence. Contact with God is not made by the senses. Spirit consciousness replaces sight. Since we cannot see God, we have to perceive Him by spiritual perception. God has to span the physical and the spiritual with the gift to us of spiritual vision. Many persons, though they cannot see God, have had a clear spiritual consciousness of Him. We are inside a box of space and time, but we know there must be something outside of that box, limitless space, eternity of time, and God.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may have a consciousness of God’s presence. I pray that God will give me spiritual vision.

From Twenty-Four Hours a Day

Letting Go of the Need to Control

The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways, and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems.

—Codependent No More

Letting go of our need to control can set others and us free. It can set our Higher Power free to send the best to us.

If we weren’t trying to control someone or something, what would we be doing differently?

What would we do that we’re not letting ourselves do now? Where would we go? What would we say?

What decisions would we make?

What would we ask for? What boundaries would be set? When would we say no or yes?

If we weren’t trying to control whether a person liked us or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently? If we weren’t trying to control the course of a relationship, what would we do differently? If we weren’t trying to control another person’s behavior, how would we think, feel, speak, and behave differently than we do now?

What haven’t we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or person? Are there some things we’ve been doing that we’d stop?

How would we treat ourselves differently?

Would we let ourselves enjoy life more and feel better right now? Would we stop feeling so bad? Would we treat ourselves better?

If we weren’t trying to control, what would we do differently? Make a list, and then do it.

Today, I will ask myself what I would be doing differently if I weren’t trying to control. When I hear the answer, I will do it. God, help me let go of my need to control. Help me set others and myself free.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Daily Readings for Thursday, April 23rd

Meditation for the Day

Cooperation with God is the great necessity for our lives. All else follows naturally. Cooperation with God is the result of our consciousness of His presence. Guidance is bound to come to us as we live more and more with God, as our consciousness becomes more and more attuned to the great Consciousness of the universe. We must have many quiet times when we not so much ask to be shown and led by God, as to feel and realize His presence. New spiritual growth comes naturally from cooperation with God.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that God may supply me with strength and show me the direction in which He wants me to grow. I pray that these things may come naturally from my cooperation with Him.

From Twenty-Four Hours a Day

Opening Ourselves to Love

Allowing ourselves to receive love is one of the greatest challenges we face in recovery.

Many of us have blocked ourselves from receiving love. We may have lived with people who used love to control us. They would be there for us, but at the high price of our freedom. Love was given, or withheld, to control us and have power over us. It was not safe for us to receive love from these people. We may have gotten accustomed to not receiving love, not acknowledging our need for love, because we lived with people who had no real love to give.

At some point in recovery, we acknowledge that we, too, want and need to be loved. We may feel awkward with this need. Where do we go with it? What do we do? Who can give us love? How can we determine who is safe and who isn’t? How can we let others care for us without feeling trapped, abused, frightened, and unable to care for ourselves?

We will learn. The starting point is surrendering to our desire to be loved, our need to be nurtured and loved. We will grow confident in our ability to take care of ourselves with people. We will feel safe enough to let people care for us; we will grow to trust our ability to choose people who are safe and who can give us love.

We may need to get angry first – angry that our needs have not been met. Later, we can become grateful to those people who have shown us what we don’t want, the ones who have assisted us in the process of believing we deserve love, and the ones who come into our life to love us.

We are opening up like flowers. Sometimes it hurts as the petals push open. Be glad. Our heart is opening up to the love that is and will continue to be there for us.

Surrender to the love that is there for us, to the love that people, the Universe, and our Higher Power send our way.

Surrender to love, without allowing people to control us or keep us from caring for ourselves. Start by surrendering to love for yourself.

Today, I will open myself to the love that is here for me. I will let myself receive love that is safe, knowing I can take care of myself with people. I will be grateful to all the people from my past who have assisted me in my process of opening up to love. I claim, accept, and am grateful for the love that is coming to me.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Daily Readings for Wednesday, April 22nd

Meditation for the Day

Divine control and unquestioning obedience to God are the only conditions necessary for a spiritual life. Divine control means absolute faith and trust in God, a belief that God is the Divine Principle in the universe and that He is the Intelligence and the Love that controls the universe. Unquestioning obedience to God means living each day the way you believe God wants you to live, constantly seeking the guidance of God in every situation and being willing to do the right thing at all times.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may always be under Divine Control and always practice unquestioning obedience to God. I pray that I may be always ready to serve Him. From Twenty-Four Hours a Day

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Coping With Stress

Inevitably, there are times of stress in our lives, no matter how long we’ve been in recovery.

Sometimes, the stress is outside or around us. We’re feeling balanced, but our circumstances are stressful. Sometimes, the stress is within; we feel out of balance.

When the stress is external and internal, we experience our most difficult times.

During stressful times, we can rely more heavily on our support systems. Our friends and groups can help us feel more balanced and peaceful in spite of our stressful conditions.

Affirming that the events taking place are a temporarily uncomfortable part of a good, solid plan can help. We can assure ourselves that we will get through. We won’t be destroyed. We won’t crumple or go under.

It helps to go back to the basics to focus on detachment, dealing with feelings, and taking life one day at a time.

Our most important focus during times of stress is taking care of ourselves. We are better able to cope with the most irregular circumstances; we are better able to be there for others, if we’re caring for ourselves. We can ask ourselves regularly: What do we need to do to take care of ourselves? What might help us feel better or more comfortable?

Self-care may not come as easily during times of stress. Self-neglect may feel more comfortable. But taking care of us always works.

Today, I will remember that there is no situation that can’t be benefited by taking care of myself.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Trying to Make the Right Choices

So it would appear that we have reached an impasse in our Coronavirus journey here in the U.S. There are some that say the “stay at home” orders issued should continue until there’s a downward number of cases. Then there are those who say enough time has passed and that the orders need to be lifted so people can return to their jobs and normal lifestyles.

Certainly there are no easy choices to be made here. While there has been an overall decrease in the number of new cases, a lot of that can be attributed to the fact most states have had “stay at home” orders in place. Several states in the past week have lifted those orders or at least lifted some parts of the restrictions. I watched on Facebook this morning as a live feed of a good number of people enjoying the beach as restrictions there had been lifted.

Most definitely people’s livelihoods have been affected by the pandemic. Record numbers of people have lost their jobs and there are those businesses who fear their days in business might be coming to a close. I get that part of it and yes, I’m one of those who’s been afforded the ability to work from home. So perhaps I’m not the best one to address those with that concern.

But I also see the side of those who are saying it’s way too soon to even attempt to return to normalcy. We’ve seen reduced numbers largely due to the fact that we’ve put social distancing practices into measure. While the numbers have been decreasing, most experts agree that we need to continue that trend for a two week period before considering lifting any restrictions.

So the basic dilemma seemingly is the health of the population vs people’s freedoms and their right to work. I’m not sure that I have any of the answers,,,for they are not easy.

I’ll close with links to two stories that those in the decision-making process might want to consider:

https://www.newsweek.com/dr-fauci-says-easing-lockdown-measures-too-soon-will-lead-big-spike-coronavirus-cases-its-1498944?utm_term=Autofeed&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook&fbclid=IwAR2rJTfcxVFOQy116T27Rimdr_rF5rwnYr6OD2D6WVeVefNRMXL6ftAMius#Echobox=1587393301

https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2020/04/21/coronavirus-secondwave-cdcdirector/

Some Days are Better than Others…

One of the things that I’ve learned during this period of uncertainty during the Covid-19 pandemic is that some days will be better than others. Not that it should have taken something like the worldwide spread of a virus to do this, but it definitely has become much clearer now.

I have been in the unwanted habit of waking up in the morning filled with fear and dread. I’ve had this happen at other points in my life, but over the past four weeks of quarantine, it’s become more frequent. I’ve tried to go back to sleep when this happens, usually to no avail. I’ve tried to begin my morning routine early….sometimes this works, sometimes not. Today has been one of those days when I’ve not been able to shake the feeling for most all the day long.

I know being held captive here at home doesn’t foster mental well-being. I did take a short trip to a local park to get some pictures on Saturday afternoon, but that didn’t seem to help too much. I’ve tried several projects around the house, but that’s not really offered any relief either. Today I went back to teaching online and I put on a brave face for the students I had a video meeting with, but that too fell short of lasting when the meeting was over.

So I’m hoping that the feelings that I’ve had over the past several days will soon pass. I will once again being teaching online tomorrow and I’m hoping getting back in that practice will help. I have a Zoom recovery meeting tonight and those have been uplifting in the past as well.

So here’s to today…it’s not been one of my stellar days. And here’s to tomorrow,,,,may it be better.

David Lee

Daily Readings for April 20, 2020

Meditation for the Day

There are two paths, one up and one down. We have been given free will to choose either path. We are captains of our souls to this extent only. We can choose the good or the bad. Once we have chosen the wrong path, we go down and down, eventually to death. But if we choose the right path, we go up and up, until we come to the resurrection day. On the wrong path, we have no power for good because we do not choose to ask for it. But on the right path, we are on the side of good and we have all the power of God’s spirit behind us.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be in the stream of goodness. I pray that I may be on the right side, on the side of all good in the universe.

From Twenty-Four Hours a Day

Deadlines

I don’t know whether I want in or out of this relationship. I’ve been struggling with it for months now. It’s not appropriate to let it hang indefinitely. I will give myself two months to make a decision.

—Anonymous

Sometimes, it helps to set a deadline.

This can be true when we face unsolved problems, are struggling with a tough decision, have been sitting on the fence for a while, or have been floundering in confusion about a particular issue for a time.

That does not mean a deadline is written in stone. It means that we are establishing a time frame to help ourselves not feel so helpless and to help bring a solution into focus. Setting deadlines can free our energy to set the problem or issue aside, to let go, and allow the Universe, our Higher Power, and ourselves to begin to move toward a solution.

We don’t always need to tell people we’ve got a deadline. Sometimes, it’s better to be silent, or else they may feel we are trying to control them and may rebel against our deadline. Sometimes, it is appropriate to share our deadlines with others.

Deadlines are primarily a tool to help ourselves. They need to be reasonable and appropriate to each individual situation. Used properly, deadlines can be a beneficial tool to help us get through difficult problems and situations without feeling trapped and helpless. They can help us let go of worrying and obsessing, so we can focus our energies in more constructive directions. Setting a deadline can help move us out of that uncomfortable spot of feeling victimized by a person or a problem we can’t solve.

Deadlines can help us detach and move forward.

Today, I will consider whether a deadline might be helpful in some areas in my life. I claim Divine Wisdom and Guidance in setting appropriate deadlines for any problems or relationship issues that may be lingering.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie