I’ve always considered myself to be a person of great faith. Faith in the God of my understanding has never until recently been an issue. But events of the past eighteen months have really been a huge test of faith. So here I am, not knowing where it will lead. I’m also reminded to lean beyond my human scope of understanding and trust the journey.
The events in my in my life nearly twenty-one years ago were a true test of my faith in God. I found myself in a desperate situation in life and didn’t know where to turn. Luckily, there were resources put in front of me that I was willing to take advantage of and I weathered the storm with the aid of my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God.
Life proceeded along and although I didn’t always understand what transpired, my faith stayed strong and I had no doubt that things would work out for the best. I attended church and recovery meetings that helped me stay the course and although life was far from perfect, I seemed to be doing okay.
Things that have occurred over the past year and a half or so have caused me to put my faith to the challenge. If it was just one thing that happened, I would likely not have had the faith issues that I have had. But it was one thing, after another, then yet another that have pushed me to the limits. So on this day, I find myself questioning my beliefs about God and what part He plays in my daily life today.
I still believe there is a God. I haven’t gone so far as to say I’m an atheist. But I also see a God who may or may not have direct involvement in my everyday life. When you have a lot of negative things occur in your life, you tend to let your mind wander and your version of any sort of Higher Power can definitely change.
I know there is a God who has seen me through the difficult times in my life. I don’t think there’s any way I could have done it on my own. I am also blessed with a loving family and a recovery community that have walked beside me each step of the way. So as my faith in God has been stretched to the limits, I will definitely keep this in mind.
I don’t understand why people do the things they do. Of course, it can be said I don’t always understand why I do the things I do. I have had quite a few errors in judgement that I call into question. Looking back on it, I like to think I did the best I could and what I thought was right at the time.
On this day, I will pray to the God of my understanding for His guidance, wisdom, and strength. And although I don’t have a clear picture of what the God of my understanding is going to do in response, I will faithfully believe that He listens to my voice in the wilderness and in some manner, shape, or form will hear my prayers.
David Lee
David Lee 