How Responsible am I for Other Peoples’ Feelings?

So I was talking to someone this morning and she was all upset because something she had said had angered someone else. This person was so upset with what the other person had said that she had resigned from an organization. Now I know you are going to want to know, “What exactly did she say?” But my point in telling this story is to relate how I feel when it comes to handling other people’s emotions.

Now I will be the first to admit I say and do things that I shouldn’t. Sometimes I realize it at the time I’m doing it, then again sometimes it takes me a while to think about what I said or did. There are also those instances in which we have said or done something that was not meant to be offensive, but someone may have taken it that way.

When I realize that I’ve said or done something wrong, I need to make amends to those people as soon as possible. We need to be humble enough to admit we’ve erred and ask for forgiveness. That person may forgive us then and there, perhaps after a period of time, and in some cases not at all. At that point, I’ve done what I have to do and can do nothing more.

What someone chooses to do with my apology is completely up to him/her. Whether that person chooses to forgive or not is completely his/her choice, not mine. I need to detach myself from the fact that the person in question harbors resentment and unforgiveness. That is their choice, not mine.

My friend this morning was “playing the tape” of what she had said over and over in her mind. She never intended for the comment to be taken the wrong way and it wasn’t intended to hurt anyone, but someone took offense. I told my friend that she needed to quit beating up on herself,,, she had done what she should have done and should not belabor the point.

I am not responsible for anyone’s feelings but my own. The fastest way for me too lose my serenity is to try to get someone to feel a certain way about something. They have the right to feel however they like, whether it’s pouting, staying angry, or self pity. I can’t hold myself responsible for what they choose to do with my apology.

David Lee